I am back!
Its been almost 6 months since I blogged. If I had waited for another 3 months I would have had a baby blog but since the blog population is increasing exponentially I decided to blog and not add to the ever-growing blogs. I dont mind the increase in blogs but i dont wanna see B grade celebs telling you to stop it like they do in the family planning ads.
Its a custom in blogosphere that if a blogger does not post anything for a while he comes back and offers an apology to all his readers who were waiting with bated breaths. But I dont have any such misconceptions, I know none of my blog readers(3 in total including me and my alter ego) were waiting for my post.
I think it’s my moral responsibility to explain my absence from the blogosphere for so long. And keeping the tradition (of exercising your brain) alive of this blog, I give you two choices. Choose the correct option and win nothing because
Nothing else matters :P
a) I was busy with stuff and am a Scorpio so I wont tell you what stuff.
b) I was celebrating the completion of one year of blogging with a 7-month break. I had gone to Paris where I threw a big bash and all the who’s who of the world were invited. But it got a little rough when Madonna offered to adopt
Kim Jong Il.
A lot has happened in the last 6 months and I dint blog about them so lets just go through them very quickly.
Britney went commando and later went bald.
Shamita shetty after flashing you-know-what has decided to go bald (Sam thanks for this info)
Anna Nicole Smith dies, May her soul and boobs rest in peace.
Ganguly back in the team, yay!!!! wooohooooo Now who’s showing the finger Mr. Chappel.
The new dress for the Indian cricket team was realesed and frankly it SUCKS!!!
At the New Year party Al gore said "One less year before everyone dies of global warming "
Saddam was hanged but the US army is still searching for the weapons of mass destruction.
Kim Jong Il stunned the world by carrying out nuclear tests. The whole world was left breathless because he is not an ally of the US. In his defence he said that he did this to prove that he was not a baby.
Madonna thought the nuclear test was a childish act and wanted to adopt Kim jong Il as soon as possible.
My Bro got married in Jan so yay!!! Wishing you and bhabhi a lifetime of happiness!!!
I wanna congratulate four of my best friends for achieving various things in life and getting closer to their main goals in life
Ahsan for getting the visa.
Sam for life after the ethnic day.
Jaya for topping the university and getting a new better paying job in a big MNC.
And Jokul for scoring 99.89% in CAT....are you kidding me bro??
Will be posting more often now so keep coming back!!!
One year of Nonsense!
Its been a year since I decided to make my madness public. First it was just limited to my close friends but after being inspired and months of persuading by
Sameera, I did what some people call the biggest mistake of my life.
I have written 28 posts and have got 428 comments and 4128 hits, people have been very kind and generous. People have been also very kind while commenting. I have seen all types of comments from the simple "LMAO" to the "I hate you" and the very complex "Do you need some action? You will love this site"
People often called my sense of humour fantastic. Some even went to the extent of saying that you are my favourite blogger(I think they need help). I have been humbled by all your comments and love. Hoping that this love and more importantly the comments will continue to flow. I want to say Thanks a lot to each and everyone of you who have commented and read my blog.
Five most admired posts of mine are
1)
Year 20202)
Orkut3)
Myhts & Facts4)
NIP IV5)
Matrimonials & MoviesSome posts that are not on the list and are my favs
1)
One Flu over the Cuckoo's nest2)
My school3)
Its a MiracleThis post is dedicated to Sameera. No we are not seeing each other. We are not seeing anyone else also, so please contact us. For Sameera's requirement please read
this and for mine..well baby they are none as long as you are hot and single(females only).
T(y)ag!
A short and sweet tag.
I am thinking about you my sweetheart :-*
I said "eh?"
I want world peace...Oh this is not a beauty pageant hmm so I want a million things...I can have a seperate blog just for that.
I wish you a merry christmans and a happy new year!
I hear what I wanna hear..i have that syndrome what do u call it I-dont-give-a-shit-to-what-the-world-says.
I wonder what saddistic pleasures did they get by doing
this. It was ma fav!
I regret saying I love you!
I can’t lie.
I am Bond..James Bond
I dance with my clothes off in the bathroom.
I sing when I have to irritate people.
I need a plastic surgery
I cry when I am help upside down and spanked on my lil butts
I make love, i hope.
I write crap!
I confuse between right and wrong.
I miss catches?
I will never miss catches.
I should try and hold onto those catches.
I tag all of you! :P
Matrimonials & Movies
It is not a secret that internet is changing the world. It is also changing how people want their prospective spouses to be and sites like Orkut and blogger are just helping the cause.
Below is as to how an orkut addict will post an ad in the matrimonial section.
Looking for a female of about 22 years who has a photo in the profile and has 2000 scraps. She should also have atleast 20 fans and 10 testimonials. She should be a member of "I Hate Ekta" community.
A Blogger addict.
Looking for a female who maintains atleast 3 blogs and should also update them regularly. She should have 20 comments for each post.
After the small
"incident" the Black Eyed Peas have decided to change their name to Black Eyed Pees
I am so broke that am getting mails which are giving me pre approved loans :D. When I opened it to see how much I got I was a bit surprised to see that they wanted a particular part of mine to grow, I started wondering what were they asking as a collateral.
Now moving to movies.
Darwaaza Bandh RakhoI would like to give some advice to the actors of this movie So here it is
Aftab Shivdasani : Dude you are spoiling my name!!!
Chunky Pandey : I know you are a super star in Nepal and I think you shouldnt come back to bollywood.
Isha Sherwani : How U Doin ;)
After the success of
I Know What U Did Last Summer the producers made
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and after it also did reasonably well on the box office they made
I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer Now this was a big flop and the producers are now planning to make
Why did I know what you did last summerAnothony Kaun HaiThe trailers fooled most of us into believing that Sanjay Dutt is the Hero of the movie but actually it is Arshad Warsi's movie and Sanju baba is there only for some 15 minutes. The movie in itself was dumb. It showed that pigeons are being used for robbery. After seeing it I came up with my own proverb "If Pigeons were thieves..."
All though the movie doesnt answer Anthony Kaun hai it surely answers Pagal kaun hai....The crowd that went to see it( including me :( ).
Now coming to
Kabhi Alvida Na KehnaAmitabh is shown screwing almost all the call girls of NY but when he finds out that his daughter in law(Rani) is cheating on his Son(AB Jr.) he gets a massive heart attack. Dude get a life or yes a heart attack.
SRK is a professional footballer...yes yes in US they do play Football...if you dont believe me you can go and watch the movie. As expected SRK meets with an accident and becomes handicapped for life or shall I say legicapped (sorry couldnt resist).
Rani doesnt wanna sleep with AB Jr because she doesnt love him....One second arent they married? yes they are.. so WHY THE FUCK did she get married if she didnt love him Sucks!
Preity, coming to think of it she doesnt have that big a role in it. So she just looked pretty and was made available whenever SRK wanted to have a fight.
Now coming to AB Jr..boy what do I tell about him...hmmmm He was just AWESOME...I believe he over shadowed AB and SRK. Frankly speaking SRK was pretty much under his own shadow so AB Jr didnt have to work too hard. This movie justifies why I hate SRK.
So to sum up the movie in two words "
It SUCKS"
P.S: If you are an AB Jr. Fan then I would advice you to get the CD/VCD/DVD and watch only the parts in which he is there.
P.S Jr. : How many of you think that the BEP pic is gross?
N.I.P V
Paris Hilton has decided to give up sex for one year. I am not kidding.
See it for yourself. Soon after this a crowd of 365 men gathered at her house and were seen burning her effigy.
Krishh was released and has been declared a SuperHit. Outside the theatre Superman, Batman and Phantom were protesting cause they say a super hero should show his undy.
Everyone has been wondering as to what Marco Materazzi told to Zinedine Zidane. Well people stop wondering I just now got off the line was speaking to Zindane and apparently Materazzi told him "Ey Takle"(You Bald Motherfucker). Pardon my translation.
Mumbai police found one bomb in a train which didnot go off. On it was written "Property of Pakistan". However Pakistan has denied any connection with the bombings.
Blogspot was banned for about 4 days. Its still not clear whose fault it was. DoT is blaming the ISPs and the ISPs are blaming someone, but we dont know who they are blaming cause who cares about them.
They are reports that DoT is going to block telephone lines also cause they think SIMI is using it.
Was in Chennai last month and noticed this particular thing about the owner of an udipi restaurant. The guy used to wear a lungi, a piece of cloth wrapped tightly around the waist. So every time a customer entered the hotel he used to pull his lungi up to reveal his perfectly tanned hairy legs. I ran out as soon as a group of 10 guys came in. I wonder what he might have done.
Orkut
Orkut has become very popular and even the celebs are using it. Although it is very difficult to find their profile, I have done the impossible.
Let us look at the profiles of some celebrities.
ScrapsGabbar : Yeah donut mujhe dede orkuttttt!!!
Vajpayee to Advani : You dont scrap me..yeh achi baat nahi hai.
Ceaser : Et tu, Orkut?
Some important points to note from the profiles.
ProfilesSRK's profile
Interested in: dating (men)
Sexual orientation: gay
Manmohan's profile
Political view: very left-liberal
Sonia'a profile
Political view: very authoritarain
Laloo's
High school: International schoolwa of bihar
Industry: Fodder
Job description: To make dumb statements infront of 300 ppl
Pamela's
First thing you will notice about me: CENSORED
Xyz(Man serving a 25 yr sentence for killing his gf)
From my past relationships i learned: Not to kill
Rakhi Saawant
Ideal match: Mika
Adnan Sami
Build: a few extra pounds
Some
FansOsama's Fans include Bush and Blair
Bush's list has one big name missing oh no no Mr. Blair is there in the licking your ass section
Some
Communities and members
I love oil: Bush, Natwar Singh
I like to sell nuclear missiles: Musharraf
101 ways to ignite a riot: Narendra Modi
Gays in Mumbai: SRK, Manish Malhotra
How to kiss: Mika
Some
FortunesFor me on the day I was rejected the US visa: You will travel wide and far for both pleasure and business.
For Hitler: You have a friendly heart and are well admired.
For Prince MukkaramJah: You and your wife will be happy in your life together
(He has been married 5 times)
For Osama: You are sociable and entertaining (Hell Yeah)
For Tushar Kapoor: You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling. (Yeah =)) )
For Sir Elton John: Behind an able man, there are always other able men.
And finally, as always, some sane advice. A lot of people have been complaining that they have been addicted to orkut but they cant find a way out. Follow anyone of these steps and nirvana(literally in some cases) is guaranteed.
Ways to quit orkuttingCommit an offence and get arrested (dont buy your way to freedom). I heard jails dont have net.
Start asking for "Friendships" people will automatically start ignoring you.
Kill yourself (And in the suicide note dont mention my name :) ).
Start dating someone. If you are a female who is about 22 years then that someone is ME.
Pick up a fight with me. (pakka nirvana then)
P.S : Sorry for not blogging for over a month was busy with a few things. And incase you would like know more about me than this stupid blog then
click here and add me :D
Year 2020
This is how the news will look in the year 2020.
Sonia Gandhi was shot to death by her guards. The guards were supporters of CPI, the party that Sonia Gandhi had wiped out in an operation called Red Star.
The elections were conducted and Congress(I) lead by Rahul Gandhi won. Critics say that they won cause of the sympathy wave.
Prez Musharraf has promised the world that Pakistan will become a democratic country very soon.
Prez Musharaf today called up Rahul Gandhi and said that yesterday's suicide attack which was carried out by the son of Musharraf, that killed 2 tourists(both Pakistanis) had nothing to do with Pakistan or the ISI.
The Union Minister Of India Mr X has announced a 50% reservation for the BCWR(backward Class Without Reservation). If this is implemented then they will b only 1% seats left for the open category...No one is protesting this time cause already all the open quota people had left India.
The Strip bar owners in Bombay came out on the streets after the govt. banned them. Insiders say this was done because the CM's son was denied entry. He is just 12 years old.
Israeli forces are still in the process of pulling out from the Gaza. This was started in the year 2006.
PM Rahul Gandhi said that Freedom of speech is a basic right of any citizen.
Two journalists were burnt to death for writing an article about the Sonia Gandhi.
In sports news The Master Blaster Dhoni is being told to retire by his critics.
Meanwhile Ganguly is still optimistic about his return to the squad.
Sania Mirza who had won the Jr. Wimbeledon in the year 2001 has been given elected from Hyderabad as a MP for the second time.
In EntertainmentShahRukh Khan has finally married his long time boyfriend Manish Malhotra after India had legalized Gay marriages.
Ekta Kapoor's famous tele serial Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi has gone 20 years ahead for the 20th time.
Aamir Khan's next release "Jharnaa" is being released in only 2 states in India. Various Political parties are protesting after he had supported various andolans across the country.
P.S : I have started a "wisebox" on the right side...I will try and change the lines almost everyday...It will have quotes by my friends and me which wont make sense.The title "My wisebox- a box of vice, fulla spice.." was Jaya's idea. Kudos to her.
